ESPatch


Isaak Newtons undiscovered law:
Machines have an inanimate ability to
secretly communicate to each other.
They conspire with each other,
they plan unilateral catastrophic
failure at the worst possible time.

Is it just me or do things fail to function because of a new governing law of physics yet to be defined. Simultaneously, and without any prior warning it seems like every machine surrounding me is currently malfunctioning right now. I have a computer with a Trojan horse bigger than the one that secured the fate of Ancient Troy. I have an outdoor refrigerator that recently threatened to create a Chernobyl melt down in my out-house. My Cyprio pump in my pond decided to suddenly blow out water rather than suck it in!  My truck’s AC now is blowing hot air in my face at a temperature higher than a welders blow-torch, and to top it all, my toothbrush is currently revolving at 0.001rpm’s . . . well that’s just great!



Combine this with the heat index right now and the endless deluge of vampire mosquitoes and you have straight jacket potential. I have decided at this point to check myself into a local self-help clinic for the domestically
challenged for the remainder of the Summer.



Oh, and needless to say, my Mosquito Magnet is on it’s 10th
reboot after replacing the propane tank, – imagine that! AArgghh!

At least my camera is sitll working.



Even the Agave beanstalk is requiring some support help now. Look at the poor beast, on the brink of collapse!



Stairway to Heaven.



Still not all things that are broken annoy me. This pot I got very cheap due to the fact that it is really half a pot! Strategically positioned and propped up, no-one would ever know its ugly little secret. I have utilised a couple of these cracked ceramics in my yard.



And this lock on my gate has never worked! – I love the rust aesthetic, amazing colors and texture, it is like the Titanic meets Alice in Wonderland. A really large wasp has taken up home in here.



“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.” (Summer in Austin)

Speaking of going mad…



Rosemary must have a well drained soil. This is a nice plant for xeriscapes and combines well with Rudbeckia, Echinacea, Lantana, Verbena, and some Ornamental Grasses.

First of all can someone tell me, is it “prostrate” or “postrate” Rosemary? – there seems to be some debate on this, anyway I will be using the former.

I thought I would post a picture of this prostrate Rosemary to show how high you can grow them on a cedar carcass (see previous entry). This is a single plant with a cedar support structure that you cannot see anymore. This one is about 4 1/2 feet tall. This particular plant has had a sordid history, I bought it as a sprig, it was tiny, I proceeded to plant it in a rather random spot, then, by mistake, I proceeded to weed-whack it (twice) to literally an inch of it’s life. I then moved it to another random place three quarters of the way down my yard, before any pathways were in place – and there it has been for five years.

The prostrate Rosemary variety is one of my favorite plants, and for me, it always seems to do better than the upright variety (of which I have 7) that seem more prone to die-back and browning, especially after prolonged rain. Hardly any maintenance, drought tolerant, you cannot go wrong – and the bees swarm the tiny blue flowers. I grow this one next to 5 containerized Lavenders, a great companion planting. The spears on the upright Rosemary varieties make good skewers for chicken and lamb on the Barbi

e.

mmmmmm.

Other Things Observed:



This Bagpiper has an interesting brooch and hat-pin.



The Pampass and other Ornamental Grasses just sail through the Dog Days of Summer.



The term “Dog Days” was used by the Greeks. The Dog Days originally were the days when Sirius, the Dog Star, rose just before or at the same time as sunrise. The ancients sacrificed a brown dog at the beginning of the Dog Days to appease the rage of Sirius, believing that that star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather.



The Ivy on the other hand has turned into crispy bacon.



and ending on a slightly more cooler note, some pictures of my feeder tank. If you enlarge these the water looks like ice.



mmmmmmmm..crispy bacon and ice.


Stay Tuned for:

“Backyard OCD”


All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Oranges and lemons”, say the bells of St. Clement’s
You owe me three farthings”, say the bells of St. Martin’s
When will you pay me?” say the bells of Old Bailey
When I grow rich”, say the bells of Shoreditch
When will that be?” say the bells of Stepney
I do not know”, says the great bell of Bow
Here comes a candle to light you to bed
And here comes a chopper to chop off your head!
Chip chop chip chop – The last man’s dead.

Last request monsieur?
“Indeed yes, may I bother you for a few rather large morphine injections to the neck and general shoulder vicinity please, and, if you will, perhaps a little Nitrus Oxide to stop me from being so obsessive about the shiny blade thingy looming above, and behind me, Mr Executioner?”

Designed by Dr Joseph Guillotine, a man described as kindly and who wanted to make execution more humane (bless his cotton socks). The guillotine quickly became a symbol of tyranny during the French Revolution. Victims were placed on a bench, face down, and their necks positioned between the uprights. The actual beheading was very quick – often to the gathered crowd’s disgust – taking less than half a second from blade drop to the victim’s head rolling into the waiting basket. However, debate rages over whether the quickness of the execution was humane or not, as many doctors put forward the notion that it could take up to 30 seconds before the victim lost consciousness.
The Agave “Guillotine” is leaning over more everyday.
I have the same concern for my head support post every time I walk under the now intimidating pitch of my Agave tower. Casting a “Film Noir” shadow over the yard, everyone who ventures under it’s blade throws a glancing look up to the top of it, and in doing so, are of course imediately blinded by the intense Texas sun. I do not look up anymore, nope, not me.

I just wear a mining helmet and a welding mask for the Texas sun, I also adorn a rather unweilding large shield
on my back when I have to traverse under it. This has recently become rather irritating on so many levels.


Another Agave angle. I have noticed that the “pups” are really easy to pull off the main beanstalk now. This must mean either the pups will soon start dropping, or the whole Agave is about to uproot,(timberrr!) causing the beanstalk to fall-scattering the youngsters.
The babies have also started to develop serrations along their edges.


Fee, fau, fum,
I smell the blood of an English man,
Be he alive, or be he dead,
I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.


And speaking of bones. . .

I use these Cedar carcassas all over my yard. I find them particularly good for supporting postrate Rosemary. Eventially the Rosemary will totally cover the cedar support, this is a great way to add a lot of height to the plant. I love the way these wizened, gnarled old limbs look very gothic and aesthetically fitting for a Texas garden.


Here is the baby elephant. And here is the deer/horse/gazelle/whatever, it is a stick!

The bleached quality reminds me of driftwood on a beach.

As Carlin once said:
“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time”.

Other Interesting things right now:

This self-seeded sedum is growing on a few decayed leaves.


A forest in the valley.

Three plants that push on through the heatwave, Palm Grass…


Sago Palm . . .

and a sweep of Mexican bush sage and lemongrass.

The circular succulent “moonscape” bed continues to fill out and sporadically bloom.

Stay Tuned for:

“Everything is Falling Apart”


All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

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