ESPatch

“House Elf”

ESPatch Sep 16, 2012 8 comments

I was delighted to find out recently that our family had inherited a new house-elf…”Kreature-Kumo”.

On arrival at the Patch he made himself immediately at home roaming and grumbling down our hallway. He has kept himself quite occupied this past week dusting pictures, getting the kids up for school, cooking full-English breakfasts etc. In fact now I cannot imagine our existence without him.

Adorning some old rags and a particularly acute case of halitosis, it appears he has a propensity for devouring large amounts of small plastic toys, postmen and all manner of disgusting things at the bottom of the garden.

Naughty, stinky Kreature-Kumo!

Freshening rains, cooler temperatures and darkened days have provided a welcome reprieve from the Texas sun this week. Sad loquats perked up, a couple of burgundy fountain grass were flattened and poor cactus-man (jr) took one for the team from a rather flatulent and highly accurate bird…

The irony here continues, allow me to recap on this opuntia paddle’s tragic existence and amazing resurrection story:

https://www.eastsidepatch.com/2009/10/halloween-2009/

I spent 4 years pruning back a few opuntia paddles to enlarge them for a very specific and rather horrendous Patch experiment. Some of you may remember the endeavor.

I decided I was going to gouge eye-holes (and carve a mouth) in this opuntia paddle after seeing a picture of a successfully carved paddle in a popular gardening magazine.

After I had performed the “procedure” my massive cactus paddle went almost immediately into shock (I had apparently carved overtly enlarged features) as did the rest of his family (they shared a common root system).

Stress lines around the eyes appeared,

moisture seemed to be leaving his emaciated body on a daily bases, he grimaced and so did I every time I had to walk past him.

And then finally…

This is where it starts getting strange.

Some time later, after he was laid to rest, another cactus paddle mysteriously grew back from the roots at the exact same place and angle,

only this time he returned from his shallow grave with two “already formed” eye holes (evolutionary survival tactics…I am convinced), I couldn’t believe it.

I inserted a tiny glass monocle into the smaller of his “new”eyes (I have no idea why), and now, after enduring all of this, a bird goes and does this:

Poor junior.

I think he (the original paddle) may be trying to send me a message from across the veil.

“I have a “Cactus-Man” coming through for a gardening person on my left. I am getting an image of a green thumb and he is showing me three letters “ES..D?

He is communicating a horrible accident involving multiple family members…he keeps repeating Fis…Fisk…

Fiskars?

Errr…

Moving sharply along:

It is very sharp up here on this golden barrel plateau but well worth the hike, the cactus continues to put out these amazing flowers.

Here are the barrels shrouded behind Juniors resurrected family.

This is what is left of my hydrangea:

It took 6 months of steady decline for the plant to reach this minimalist /completely dead stage.

Giant timber bamboo always looks very tropical after rain,

if only my garden shed was an all-teak construction…

…exactly.

Imagine this structure with

some Alphonse Karr bamboo planted around the foundation.

My soft leaf yucca,

Yucca recurvifolia

is producing pups as fast as I can plant them.

This is its second asparagus-looking flower spike of the year.

Pride of Barbados have nearly finished depositing seeds from their dug-out canoes.

Seen any of these colorful velvet moths lurking in your salvias?

This is a southern pink moth,

Pyrausta inornatalis

and this is its larva:

Photograph by Donald R Riley

I have read that these polka dotted chaps can demolish a stand of salvia but I never have had this problem myself.

Finally:

Congratulations on your advancement from the daisies to being a fully fledged Brownie!

Now, back to the Patch with you,

you have Autumn chores to do if you want to get that professional metal detector.

“Chores!”

Stay Tuned for:

“Agavephobia”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Why am I struggling with this image of the week?

School of Art, Design and Media at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore.

“Distracting Vampires”

ESPatch Sep 7, 2012 14 comments

If you don’t grow any vampire killing giant timber bamboo culms do not fear, all is not lost. If you suspect that a vampire is unfortunately stalking you silently in your own garden in the twilight hours you may need a diversionary strategy.

It is a well documented historical fact that the average vampire-Jo cannot resist the intoxicating damp-blooded visual appeal and aroma (they have an enhanced sense of smell you know, vampires that is) of a blooming Moy Grande Hibiscus,

Texas Giant Hibiscus

The largest flowering perennial rose mallow hibiscus in existence!

Plant it directly into water features at strategic corners of your pathways to distract your particular “Nosferatoe” https://www.eastsidepatch.com/2012/04/sweet-fairchild-of-mine/ from your pasty neck as you run, arms flailing and screaming,

into the safety of your house, just be sure at this point not to invite him or her in,

not that you would.

I treat my true-blooded jugular-safeguard as a marginal plant, semi-submersed in my pond in a large pot, it likes to have its feet wet.

“Oh come on ESP this was 35 years ago!”

Ridiculous.

The aquatic looking purple passion vine,

Passiflora incarnata!

a host and and nectar source for our

Western Gulf Fritillary butterflies, among others.

Ironically for this post, Native American tribes used to soak the crushed roots of this plant in drinking water to make a “blood tonic”. The plant was also used as a sedative to treat nervous conditions and hysteria.

I find this out now, now that school is back in session!

Thunder Cloud ™

Leucophyllum candidum

Reflective heat, Texas temperatures, this slow growing little plant can take just about anything except over watering. Make sure it is planted in sharp, fast draining soil and it will do the rest. Perfect for driveways, parking lots and those little sun-baked areas that nothing else will grow in and remain small.

A few more of these will be going into the Patch this fall.

Moving “sharply” along:

Pampas have started to bloom this week. I used to have a lot more pampas grasses in the Patch but for arm and leg lacerating reasons (of which there were many) I am now left with this pink one tucked way up high on a mound.

This grass is not suitable for foot traffic areas (unless you are on a golf course where it is mandatory) but for secluded arching drama it does take some beating.

I think it is worth a bit of pain and suffering, well, at least with just the one plant.

“Ach, she canna take any mere satsumas ESP, look at the poor wee thing all buckled over with too many satsu….”

Okay Scotty.

They are starting to ripen, they are getting eaten, but they are starting to ripen.

Finally:

Here are a few images that I have drawn up for a client who wants to remove a good chunk of their thirsty St Augustine lawn.

Inspirational Image of the Week:

Joanna Stoga, 1st Place, Portfolios. International Garden Photographer of the Year 2012 competition.

I will leave you to ponder…

…Dynamic Architecture (Dubai)

Stay Tuned for:

“House Elf”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.