"Revenge of the Turds"

A rather crude title?
Well yes it is, but it really captures a situation that I hope nobody ever has to experience. The particular turds
(I don’t really want to talk about) are still reaping their decomposing revenge as I write this latest post…and believe me, it is not pleasant.

My problem started when two dogs moved into the house next door, and no, the dogs didn’t rent it. Like a lot of rental properties the property had a lot of weeds and some stunning poison ivy specimens, some about six feet tall. It was generally un-kept and within a few months the two dogs had scraped away all things green and I mean everything green on the ground in the lot. They had reduced it to dust. You could provide these animals as a landscaping service, if it wasn’t for one thing, actually, quite a lot of things, lots of stinky, dangerous things that is!

Nothing as dangerous as this one though…

A giant inflatable dog poo by American artist Paul McCarthy.

This work of art, in a series of unfortunate events blew away from an exhibition in the garden of a Swiss museum, brought down a power line and broke a greenhouse window before it finally landed again.
The art work, titled Complex Sh!t, is unfortunately the size of a house.
The wind apparently carried it 200 metres from the Paul Klee Centre in Berne where it fell back to Earth in the grounds of a children’s home, breaking yet more windows!


Now here is an interesting fact you could have gone your whole life without knowing, did you know that dogs on average poop 23 times a week! They really do! Each dog creates about a half pound of excrement a day. With an estimated 100,000 dogs in Austin, that’s about 50,000 pounds of dog waste deposited throughout town daily!


I am a dog person, I have sympathy for these
two dogs, (well a little), a sentiment that does
not extend to the dogs “owner”.
Since when has letting your dogs defecate all over a
suburban yard and not cleaning it up ever been acceptable?


“Don’t look at me! Waaaaa” !


“Merry Christmas Clark !
Shitter’s full!”

Okay perhaps Eddie would be ok with that!

The dogs were outside, always, no-matter the weather, and they were also depositing a rather large quantity of their finest product down our property line, at a rather an alarming rate. The dogs owner never picked this up and very rarely took the dogs out, which exacerbated the already dire situation. Letters were written, letters were ignored, and the dogs continued to wake us at all hours with their panicked incessant barking, we complained on a regular basis.
I even started to light those 7 hour burning incense sticks!
After only a few months our backyard that we loved spending time in, turned into a small, unsanitary smelling zoo. When the wind blew in the right direction it was really bad, and against the law…at least I think!

Talking of unsanitary conditions…


Great soundtrack to the “Slumdog Millionaire” movie!
Here is another interesting doggy fact, oh yes there is no stopping me now:
The bacteria levels along Bull Creek are eight times higher on weekends than weekdays when park visitors increase in the off-leash area. Mmmm, I wonder why?


No! don’t do it!

This is what is written in the Austin City Code:
City Ordinance
3-4-6 DEFECATION BY A DOG OR CAT
“An owner or handler shall promptly remove and sanitarily dispose of feces left on public or private property by a dog or cat being handled by the person, other than property owned by the owner or handler of the dog or cat.”

I am a little confused as to that last bit. Does this mean it is okay if you own the property?
Potential fine: Up to $500 The owner of the dogs has since moved on to new, hopefully cleaner, more sanitary pastures and the aroma is dissipating. Here is the number to call in Austin if you are having any “pet-product” issues…

To report a violation in the case of an individual failing to pick up after their pet in an animal enclosure, contact the Health Department, 512-972-5600


Moving on finally to more greener, and more
sweeter smelling things witnessed in the
patch this past week
…(takes a deep meditative breath)


My White Stone crop is blooming all over the place right now, I really like this little plant and tuck it into as many nooks and crannies as I can. The more shade it receives the less it blooms, so say the books, but mine seem to bloom pretty well even under the shade of the old post oak tree!


My Texas gulf toads Cranopsis valliceps have been up to their usual antics in my pond of late, here are the strings of eggs that are stitching all my elodia plants together. I am keeping a vigilient eye on these this year after they choked my pond and created a few fish casualties last year.


These toads have the most extensive physical
ridging of any toad in its geographic range.
The ridges extend from the nose, to the back
of the head. With a branch that wraps around
the back side of the eye. They are commonly
found here in Austin, Houston, and parts of Louisiana.
Like most toads, the gulf coast toad is an opportunistic
carnivore. It will eat almost any small bug it is able
to overpower and swallow.


I have absolutely no idea what this wiggly is, but it looked really interesting in it’s shiny skin, it looked like it was manufactured in China. Very futuristic!


Talking of looking manufactured, this plastic looking flower was
the first to pop up in my hell-strip. I laid a blanket of wildflower
seeds in the strip, plus a bunch of hollyhock and amaranth seeds
on the off-chance that anything would germinate in such awful
soil. I will keep you informed.


My Pittosporum tobira Pittosporaceae is in full bloom right now, and is filling up the entire back of my garden with it’s sweet scent. Something that I have come to really appreciate.  Another name for this shrub is Japanese mockorange because of the aroma of these blooms. I have my variegated variety pruned up as high as I can tolerate, it offers a great “Japanese” look to the pond area. This lower limb pruning will eventually give a bonsai-like look to the shrub when the trunk thickens.


Quite apt for this post I thought, Stink bugs.

I recently had to move a whole bunch of plants to make way for a new pathway I am putting in, (more on that in my next post). I had to move a handful of ornamental grasses and decided to chop them back by two-thirds to stimulate root recovery, even though they had just regrown their foliage. I watered them in and these two stinkers boiled to the surface!


These old cedar carcasses have made great elevation structures for my gazing orbs.
I now have all three of mine up on these structures.


Here you can see all three, gold, blue and burgundy.


This is the scene every time I water this container,
and I mean every time. About two minutes after the
water has been applied and it has filtered through
the pot, you can audibly hear the drip, drip, drip of
the water exiting the pot. This apparently is the cue
to go spread eagle on the ground, usually flattening
one or more plants, to get to the “source”. This little
garden investigator usually comes up for air with a
substantial helping of Texas native mulch attached to
the side of his face or head, he eats a little then
pulls his “I should not eat mulch ever again” face.

Repeat above process every time I water this container.

New succulent growth.

A mixed bed of ivy, trying desperately to escape it’s rocky Alcatraz.

And finally…

New growth on a mexican feather grass.

Salvia color

Stay Tuned For:
“My Sweet Olive Oil”
All material © 2009 for east_side_patch. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited.

"Dr Strangeglove"


The first water lilies of the year have bloomed this past week,  I have both hardy and tropical varieties in my pond.
This shot is the inside of my ‘Texas Dawn’ hardy lily.


My tropical variety is always a little behind.
All the lily gazing drew my attention to the rest
of the pond, and to the sudden overabundance
of this little oxygenating plant.


Elodia is a member of the frog’s-bit family Hydrocharitaceae. The plant
is also known as Canadian water pest, and as the name suggests the plant is very cold hardy, and can be quite aggressive once established. The plant very rarely blooms so I was very happy to capture this tiny flower on it’s tiny stalk. My fish have been struggling over these plants to get to rogue pieces of fish food, I decided it was time to do a little thinning. I actually lost a fish on this plant last year when it got a little too aggressive with it’s attempt to reach a tasty morsel.


“Don’t put me in the compost bin”! (tiny voice)
Looking like a scene from the movie The Secret of Roan Inish these piles of “pond seaweed”
cleared a good portion of the pond.  The fish would not leave me alone as I was leaning full
stretch over the pond, they seemed happy at the new space that I was creating in their habitat.
All of this green goodness went straight into my compost bin, I am sure it is jam packed with
nutrients, and will be great when returned to the soil.


The pond looks really clear right now, but I am keeping a very close eye on the toad situation this year.
I do not want a repeat of this nightmare: http://east-side-patch.livejournal.com/11079.html
The Texas Gulf toads have already started their banshee screams on our warmer evenings.


Can you believe how fast the cat tails have grown back!  It seems like yesterday that I cut them all the way back to their potted ground.

Now onto issues of a terrestrial nature. It has been a really odd week this week in the patch in terms of discovering very odd things, both up high and below ground. This first one looks like it has been staged, but I assure you it was not. I was inspecting my oldest Giant Timber bamboo at the far end of my yard.


I observed new growth emerging and then noticed these “cracks”. I looked around to see about 50% of all the culms had these fissures to a lesser or greater degree.


I can only hypothesize that it is
the movement and stresses
caused by strong wings that
has caused this?
This particular bamboo is more
exposed than my other ones.
Anyway I thought this was a little odd, but it paled in comparison to looking up and seeing this:


“Bamboo cookies”.
How did it get there? Why hadn’t something eaten it? Was someone throwing these as Frisbees?
What are the chances of it getting caught up in my bamboo?, the mind boggles. I walked away puzzled and started pulling on some of that annoying little ivy weed (you know the one that always snaps when you try to extract it)  while I contemplated further the paratrooper cookie.


The only plant I detest as much as bermuda.

I grabbed a weedy vine that was a little thicker than the rest,
I do not know the name of this vine, but it has a very unique
aroma when you mess with it, kind of like neem, anyone
know what this is?  I get lacerated every year pulling it out
of my pampas grasses. I pulled and the vine got thicker
and thicker, then, out of the ground popped this unearthly
plants entrails:


“Freeeeeedom”.


Look at this!
It looks like it should be in a modern art museum. Here is the stinky foliage to help with an ID. This vines innards and the mental image of the bamboo cookie, (which I could not seem to mentally shake), for some reason inspired me to start work on my agave stalk “instrument”. I was craving a little bit of sanity.

I went over to the side of the housewhere the “beanstalk” had been laid to rest. I hoisted it up and it was quite a mess, a roach haven, complete with clotted dead leaves, it was still host to thousands of dying pups. It is quite staggering how long these pups have survived on the dead stalk.


Here is the beanstalk blooming last year, shortly before I climbed it, stole a golden egg laying chicken from the resident giant in the castle at the top of it, and chopped it down in my hasty retreat. And here is the scary, matted zombie now. Brrrr… the stuff of nightmares. The people across the street looked on in disbelief as I wrestled it and finally propped it up against the side of my truck. The scene all looked very redneck, especially when I returned from my shed wielding my three foot machete. I proceeded to start hacking at it with a mad grin on my face, taking pictures every once in a while, the people across the street disappeared into the sanctuary of their home.


The machete made quick work of taking the pups off the host, can you believe how many
pups were still on this thing! I now have a mass agave grave next to my house!


The finished instrument sounds like a cross between an alpine horn, a didgeridoo and someone
just humming into an old agave stalk.
And now I promise I will never ever mention this again.


All the loquats have responded well to the recent spell of wet weather. Looks like lots of fruit this year.
I tried one yesterday and it was sweet…


It seems I was not the only one enjoying these fruits! I planted this pit, out of curiosity.

Other springing developments this week in the patch:


Pink evening primrose, Oenothera speciosa taken shortly after the rains. Pink evening primrose comes from the south-central United States. It is native to the rocky prairies and savannas of the lower Midwest. The wiggly bits that stick out (stamens) look like naan bread, click on the right image, they do!
I think I need to eat, immediately.

I caught this iridescent, unidentified chappy filling up his rodeo “chaps” with pollen on one of my four-nerve daisy plants. Look at his back legs (click then click again on the left image) he looks like Mr Tumnus from “The Chronicles of Narnia”.


I planted a whole bunch of California poppies in between a mass planting of artemisia ‘powis castle’ recently. I thought the orange would look good contrasted against the silver. I was suprised when this pale yellow bloom, the first one, popped up. I am not complaining, I just wonder if this one is a one-off or that they will all be the same color.


My ice plants are going ballistic, break a piece off, plant it, and within a week the tiny transplant will have formed it’s own bloom! amazing. Here is a face-like new bloom (with a green chin and a ridiculous hat) preparing to pop open. The plants on the left were tiny when I planted them. They have filled in really fast.


Staying with succulents for a moment, my “Botox Lady’s” hair is just starting
to “root” ahem. I think by the end of this year she may have a full head of “succulent”
hair.  Perhaps then she will stop complaining every time I walk past her.


Stargazer lily in my Hell-Strip.


I have my first mexican sage bloom this week (center)


China berry blooms, they smell really good but the blooms and the berries
will send you, or your pets, straight to the hospital, if ingested.


Gerbera daisy after the rains.


My middle bed is filling in pretty fast with the excellent growing weather we have been having.


Why Dr Strange(g)love?


I bought these yesterday! “They just don’t make them like they used to in my day ESP”…
…damned Waltons.

Stay Tuned For:
“Revenge of the Turds”
All material © 2009 for east_side_patch. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited.

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