Monster in the Closet

ESPatch Jul 1, 2018 3 comments

“Want a balloon?”

We recently met the cast of “IT”at the “Texas Frightmare” horror convention in Dallas.

My day was made when I glanced to my left and spotted Doug Bradley:

I bet he never thought that he would end up featuring on a garden blog post

about Buttonbush!

https://www.eastsidepatch.com/2012/09/mind-your-dual-language/

“Your suffering will be legendary for this ESPatch.”

But the ‘Monster in the Closet’ I am referring to is not Pennywise,

or Pinhead, or that particularly disturbing demon on top of the closet from the Conjuring. Brrr.

No…it is this bundle of mayhem:

Her name is Loki.

She uses my left leg as her climbing post to get up onto our couch.

Oh you thinks that’s funny?

A psychological adjustment for Kumo to say the least, but he did okay. Here she is a few weeks later and already much bigger.

The white tip on Kumo’s tail makes the best cat toy, well it will when I spray it with fixative and rub some catnip on it.

Here is something I keep seeing around but don’t understand:

Prickly pears next to a public sidewalk and parking lot…and these are babies! They should have gone all-out and stuffed in some sotals and barrel cactus right up against the sidewalk on the right side, just to balance out the scene?

“Spock Analysis?”

“Planting Opuntia, in this location is highly illogical Captain”.

“Scans suggest this could be a defensive measure between opposing factions of the era, or simply a highly questionable choice of Cactaceae for a public sidewalk?”

“Captain, caution is advised”.

“Dam it Jim, Spock warned you about that sidewalk!”

I mean seriously.

Talking of barrel cactus, how about these fake lovelies from IKEA?

Fejka Me!

I am not sure what disease is affecting all my Hoja Santa…

Oh wait, yes I do.

It is a rare affliction called sheetrockious, sheetymessious.

It quickly mutated into a wood pile.

Never has there been a more depressing stand of Hoja Santa…right next to the garden refrigerator (I don’t even notice that anymore)…how fitting.

Yes, it is still construction central inside of the Patch.

To meet code we had to put sheet-rock on all the walls and ceiling.

The walls were then covered with shiplap to match the longleaf pine of rest of the house. I have a lot of staining in my future.

His future room.

Arizona Blue-Ice cypress cooling down the summer.

I planted these Yucca Rostrata late last year and they were tiny.

They have come a long way in a short period of time.

I plan to weave some flagstone through here at some point.

A wishful rain-gauge.

I will leave you with one final monster I found online:

Stay Tuned For:

“The Hypnotist”

All material © 2018 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

The Sheer Luxury!

ESPatch Apr 28, 2018 3 comments

It has been a while since I last posted and there have been lots of changes inside and outside the Espatch.

First, my website has had a major update and is now sporting a brand-spanking-new Effectus Skin on top of the latest Thesis and WordPress software.

“Ah the sheer luxury!”

Oh yes, oh yes, even my comment fields are now working…mind blowing I know!

Outside there has been lots of odd happenings of late.

It all seemed to start when an eerie dense fog descended around mid January.

Shortly after, major domestic appliances started to materialize in random locations around our back garden.

Then rather large mounds of debris started to pile up.

Hmm, that pile looks a lot like something I would make…except I didn’t.

Then I went out the back to do some laundry, and well something just felt a little ‘different’.

I hate washing clothes at the best of times, but traversing exposed beams whilst straddling exposed nails and carrying a significant basket of laundry…well, luck will not be on your side for long.

Our remodel had finally begun.

Not a big remodel I must add, just a significant one, one that would test our resolve, one that would define who we were.

“Having fun yet kids”?

Things got very dusty,

and very cold.

Answering the front door has become a comedic athletic event,

as is using the restroom.

In hindsight the blue tarp was actually relative luxury compared to what we currently have.

The plastic tarp got replaced with some loud rustling paper nonsense that constantly needs to be repaired and taped up.

I have to adopt a Gollum-esk gate to enter and exit the facility at night so as not to wake everyone. I have noticed that I adopt a very similar facial expression whilst performing this maneuver.

I am not bovvered though?

No, In fact I am really excited.

We are to gain another small bedroom and toilet with this remodel, replace and fix a crappy leaking roof, move our living room and create a new dining room space.

All this from just enclosing our existing tiny porch and redesigning the interior layout on the inside to be more functional!

Existing porch and partial roof removal in progress.

Before we started the remodel I had a dream that rain was pouring through our roof.

The removal of some very questionable insulation walls?

New foundation in place. This back wall will also be demolished.

Must remember about that drop off when I let the dog out at night.

New floor in place, this will become the new interior footprint.

Taking shape. Getting ready for windows and a new back door.

New roof in place.

Sadly the right half of this mountain laurel has to go to make room for a landing platform from the new back door. I have been pruning this tree into shape for years!

Oh well.

Out with the old hook saw!

Yes, well, er…lets not dwell on this.

New interior layout getting framed out. That is the irritating rustling paper restroom I was talking about earlier.

Windows!

“Use your legs!”

As a new deck will be constructed off the back door all the existing Elgin Butler bricks in the existing brick / concrete patio needed to be removed and re-purposed.