“The Golden Ticket”

The anticipation of Christmas has definitely mounted this week in the Patch, our tree was once again pulled out of my garden shed and plugged in – (I love trees that are already pre-wired with lights…thanks China!).  Small hands eagerly grappled with shiny ornaments tucked tight in dusty boxes.  These nimble fingers made fast work out of decorating the tree to the point that it is now more reminiscent of an ornament than an actual tree. I was really happy that all the decorations were okay this year though, as I am every year since the rat incident of 2006, but I refuse to talk about that particularly “troubled time”.

To further the premature Christmas excitement, these eagerly awaited advent calendars arrived in the post from my parents in Scotland. Each December day has a small serrated window housing a chocolate and some small festive pictures, these calenders amazingly arrived exactly on the first day of December…the first boxes were immediately opened and the chocolates devoured in seconds, my youngest  then proceeded to have a complete meltdown, grappling with the whole concept of only one-a-day restraint.  He had apparently turned into Augustus Gloop.

A couple of days later I found a contraption with a blanket crudely strewn over it, in the corner of his room…

…he had secretly fabricated a rudimentary time machine, and according to his advent calendar, successfully transported himself five days ahead into the future, apparently eating the small chocolate treats steadily as he pushed the time-forward lever with his non-sticky hand. Naturally I destroyed the contraption in true Luddite fashion and the calender is now brought down on a daily basis from a very high place, although I am convinced he is planning something…I found these conceptual sketches yesterday hidden inside a “levitate in a day” book under his bed…

Moving on…

The new “don’t pick up the leaves until they have totally finished dropping” policy in the Patch is really stretching my patience to its limits!

“Hold…Hold…Hold…”

I want so badly to clean it all up. I am wading through leaves waste deep at this point, and I have lost my son so many times of late that I now attach a line of garden twine around his waist every time he goes out to play, a slightly inhibiting aggravation on his part, but a necessity. I refuse to lose him, and I am well aware that the Naboo are food deprived at this time of the year, if you catch my cannibalistic aversive drift.

I am not sure how much longer I can hold out with this new Patch clean-up policy?

“Ach! Typical! I canna bulieve ye would just gi-up mun…Ye canna…”

Oh Shut your pie-hole William.

The blue white hue on the margin of this agave is looking very frosty at the moment.

And etched into the side of the same agave – a ring wraith!

Some type of borer?

“Frodo you have to get the ring out of the Patch, the black riders are close”

Although the yard is knee-deep in decaying brown leaves and pecan nuts, I am taking some colorful solace in a few hotties still gracing these cold days and colder nights: It is the age of the pinks! (okay, enough Middle-Earth references for one post!)






Although a little disheveled looking this stock tank of King Tut papyrus with the now bright pink celosia around the perimeter is like a crackling fire (of Mordor) on these cool crisp days. The celosia colors have now transcended into the unreal, the psychedelic.  No color correction or saturation enhancement required on these photographs.

Ice plants always respond to the crisper cold weather conditions with their almost fake looking blooms, I am still trying to determine if I even like this plant aesthetically. It is an anomaly to me, should I like it?  Well it does bloom when blooms are stark, it does spread fast, but the question remains, do I really like it?  I cannot seem to decide.

The moisture in this photograph is naturally not natural, oh no, we have had no rain in Central Texas for quite some time – when DID we last have any substantial rain?

As a result, this is a common sight right now…

Plants are stressing like it is summer!  Cooler weather yes, but so little moisture, and winds drying things out even more.  I am watering my containers a lot more then I should be at this time of year, I caught this parched golden bamboo barely in the nick of time. My in-ground weeping bamboos have also felt the dry-pinch, requiring additional water to pull them through…it is December!

More pinks are emerging from my shrimp plants which are incredibly leggy this year.

And this…

“Queen Elizabeth”

Sedum spurium


or Dragon’s Blood Stonecrop is in her colorful prime – flushing dark red as the year draws to an end.

“Much better than that potato that other chappy brought me ESP!”

Finally…

My butterfly vine continues to amaze me with these bronze butterfly seeds.

Oh, and just in case you thought that you had escaped the Patch without something tickling your gag valve this week,

“I cannot look”…

you are naturally incorrect…

Yes folks those are eggs, I do not care to find out what horror is transpiring in this bucket grabbing scene.

On that wretched note I will leave you with a few more refreshing things I have meandered upon in the course of writing this post:

Inspirational images of the week:

Living Ornaments:

“Forest Floor” glass ornament created by San Francisco designer Flora Grubb. Lichens, moss, feathers and seeds cushion a living Tillandsia air plant inside a tiny glass ball.

And here are some unique gardening utensils from Cal Lane…but the decomposed granite would fall right on through!

Eyebrows would be raised if I turned up to an installation and pulled this wheelbarrow down from my trusty steed!

Okay just one more

Anarchy In The UK?

Stay Tuned  for:

Android Assassins


All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

“Voodoo”

Big voodoo no-no’s:

  • If you lay a broom across the doorway at night, a witch can’t come in and hurt you.
  • Having a woman visit you the first thing on Monday mornings is bad luck for the rest of the week.
  • Don’t borrow or lend salt because that is bad luck.
  • If you sweep trash out of the house after dark you will sweep away your luck.
  • Don’t shake a tablecloth outside after dark or someone in your family will die.
  • To stop a Voodoo spell being placed upon you, acquire some bristles from a pig cooked at a Voodoo ritual, tie the bristles into a bundle and carry them on you at all times.
  • If a woman sprinkles some salt from her house to yours, it will give you bad luck until you clean the salt away and put pepper over your door sill.
  • If a woman wants her husband to stay away from other woman, she can do so by putting a little of her blood in his coffee, and he will never quit her.
  • If a woman’s husband dies and you don’t want her to marry again, cut all of her husband’s shoes all in little pieces, just as soon as he is dead, and she will never marry again.
  • You can give someone a headache by taking and turning their picture upside down.
  • You can harm a person in whatever way you want to by getting a lock of his hair and burning some and throwing the rest away.
  • You can make a farmer’s well go dry by putting some soda in the well for one week, each day; then drawing a bucket of water out and throwing it in the river to make the well go dry.
  • Never wear the same iced turban more then two consecutive summer days or you will certainly get involved in an automobile accident.

In Voodoo spells, the “cure-all” was very popular among followers.  The cure-all was a Voodoo spell that could solve all problems. There were different recipes in Voodoo spells for the cure-all; one recipe was to mix…

naturally, with sulfur and honey.  The mixture was placed in a glass, which then had to be rubbed against a…

and then the mixture was required to be sipped slowly…I would imagine so!

This little spider looked like it was wearing a serious voodoo mask.  These tiny spiders have large eyes considering the size of their bodies and are very active hunters, their excellent eyesight is used for stalking prey.  Before pouncing on the victim, jumping spiders attach a line of silk from which they can dangle should they fall.

Here is a diagram depicting exactly how these little creatures have evolved to their all-encompassing vision:

Not much gets by this chap.

Like a drone on an alien moonscape, very martian.

Their well-developed internal hydraulic system extends their limbs by altering the pressure of body fluid within them.  This enables the spiders to jump without having large muscular legs like a grasshopper.  Most jumping spiders can jump several times the length of their body.

This photo shoot was going well until I made a sudden lumbering movement due to the circulation being cut off in my left leg trying to get some decent shots.

At which point it turned and decided to jump directly onto the lens of my camera, I got this shot in as a panicked reaction, then it appeared over the top edge of the camera right next to my face,,,and silhouetted against the sun, it looked 10 x its size… a customary conniption naturally ensued, complete with camera-drop, which was actually more of a throw then a drop. Jumping spiders will turn to examine objects like my camera with the more accurate anterior median eyes, with which they identify the interloper as prey, natural phenomenon, possible threat, or potential mate.  This leads them to behave in a manner suggestive of curiosity, since they are highly visual creatures that use their anterior median eyes to assess objects of interest, they must, by necessity, bring anything of interest into their visual field, including my face.

“Lettin’ a tiny spider get you all r r r rilled up ESP, you need to chill in the Patch and get me some of dat Jimson weed”.

How about you tryin’ some of dat toothpaaaste?

Remember my puzzling imploding and mealy tomatillos?

This was my harvest before I took great delight in pulling out the shriveled plants that have annoyed me for ages.

Zanthan Gardens http://www.zanthan.com/gardens/gardenlog/ suggested that I may be picking them too late. I took her advice and even though the fruit was not at all close to filling their husks I picked a few and cut them open…they were perfect, small but good.

This batch did go on to make a great spicy salsa.

My celosia is creating a shimmering burgundy and white hue in the front of the Patch, many of these plants are listing after the recent winds. I will put up with them a little while longer.

Fire and ice.

With temperatures ducking down low at night the first frost damage is visible, yes folks it is time once again for the traditional hanging of the green hoja santa hankerchiefs…

This is the first plant in the Patch to visually inform me that it got cold the night before. Some other plants appear to relish the cooler night temperatures…

more artemesia and

ghost plant always seem to have a spring in their roots when temperatures dip.

Fatsia japonic getting ready to bloom, surprisingly there is little fly activity so far this year. These blooms are usually completely covered in flies even at this stage.

“Hey, I have been busy dealing with my loosening fingernails”! 

Err…Brrrr, Jeff!

The cactus fruit on this opuntia has obviously not yet been discovered by the Naboo, it is the traditional drum preference of the tribe.

Bluebonnets on the rise.

Finally:

A visit to Inner Space Cavern…

We went down a dark tunnel, some small knuckles turned white, and little faces got very serious as the light dimmed.

Almost immediately we were in another dimension. It is amazing to think dreary I35 was right above us, if you listen carefully you can hear the 18 wheelers very quietly above, two very different worlds so close together.

The best part of the day was some good old-fashioned panning for gold:







It is time, emotionally prepare yourselves:

Oh yes, the awful moment has finally caught up with us I am afraid…I can barely bring myself to embed it…b…bu…but, well I am afraid it just has to be done – this is a voodoo post after all, it would, COULD not be completed without this “dodgy moment” from a rock legend (edited for you and me both garner) :-)

Inspirational Images of the week:

I am by no means a great proponent of having a large expanse of lawn, but if you do have a propensity for the dark St Augustine side, this intriguing product just may be somewhere in your future garden shed…


From the designer:

“The grass that is cut is considered to be the useless remainder while cutting grass. The product “Muwi” benefits the third party in numerous ways by the act of cutting grass in order to create fair grass. “Muwi” first acknowledges the entire size of the land and automatically cuts the grass. The cut grass, which is created upon cutting the grass, is stored inside. As the cut grass begins to accumulate inside the machine, “Muwi” constructs and compresses the cut grass into two types of blocks. Then this cut grass is no longer a remainder that needs extra efforts to be thrown out or cleaned up. It rather becomes balls for children to play with or a chair to sit on or any other opportunity. These newly created blocks give care without even realizing it. Furthermore, after these blocks are used and left behind, they naturally go back to its neighboring nature in time. It is circulated again through nature and gives nature and us the natural consideration”.

Discs can be used for compost.

Designer: Yuli Sung


Stay Tuned  for:

“The Golden Ticket”


All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

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